I self-medicated my overthinking with alcohol
You know the parable about the frog in the pot that doesn’t notice the gradually boiling water until it’s too late?
Turns out it's not scientifically true, for frogs anyway 🐸.
But as a metaphor, it still rings true for me – especially when it comes to stress.
For me, it was so gradual I didn’t even realise I was stressed.
All I noticed was that I was an overthinker or I was constantly angry or irritated with people, even if I mostly kept it to myself.
I was reading this week how 77% of people report physical symptoms of stress but only 48% feel that stress has a negative effect on their lives (American Institute of Stress).
This is despite the fact that 75-90% of visits to the doctor are for stress-related ailments or complaints.
I never saw myself as a particularly stressed person, because I wasn't outwardly stressed.
My overthinking was a clear symptom of stress
But I now realise my overthinking, anger and anxiety were textbook symptoms of stress.
My way of dealing with these symptoms was to self-medicate with alcohol. Why not? Everyone else seems to be doing it?
It was only when I dissolved that stress that I noticed the need to self-medicate also fell away.
Watch this three minute video I put together this week talking about how this led to me getting a promotion to my dream job.
Have you booked into a free overthinkers session yet? They run Sundays and Tuesdays but won’t go forever, so book soon!
The benefits of journal writing for meditators
Last month, we looked at ways to elevate our speech though Wise Ways with Words.
This month, we’re sticking with language but focussing on the written word – specifically, the art of writing purely for ourselves in a journal.
Your challenge, should you wish to accept it, is to keep a journal every day in June.
Since 2012, I have written over 450,000 words in my journal – that’s about five novels’ worth!
And while I won’t be inflicting it on anyone anytime soon, it’s been an invaluable way for me to process what has happened in that time – and to create a record of past challenges and solutions I can refer back to.
In 2012, my wellness routine was in its infancy.
My idea of an enlivening self-care regime was 20 minutes of weights after work, followed by two large glasses of red wine.
The first couple of years of the journal show me veering from one identity crisis to the next and heaping self-criticism on myself for all sorts of misbehaviour, real or perceived.
When I learned to meditate in 2014, it’s like a different writer takes over. Gone is the harsh and scathing critic, replaced by a much more positive scribe.
A huge weight of stress was lifted and the change in the journal is pronounced.
There is less of the language of necessity – I “should" do this, or “must" do that. And more of the language of possibility – I “could” do this, I “can" do that. And the language of choice – I “want” to do this, I “don’t want” to do that. I “choose” to do this.
The filmmaker David Lynch, who is a huge proponent of meditation, has a great turn of phrase for the benefits of meditation he experienced.
He says: “I felt the suffocating rubber clown suit of negativity dissolving, and it was such a feeling of bright freedom.”
A journal allows us to track these kinds of shifts for ourselves, which helps cement our gains and be less likely to forget things we’ve learned.
How to keep a journal
You don’t have to complicate things – pick a format that works for you and try to stay consistent, even if it’s just for a few minutes a day.
Below are some tips to help you get started.
Choose a format
Decide on a format that suits your preferences. You can use a physical journal, a digital journaling app or even a simple text document on your laptop. I love a gadget so use a reMarkable 2, a “digital paper” tablet I use with either with keyboard or pen.
Set aside time
Dedicate a specific time each day for journaling. It could be in the morning to reflect on the previous day or in the evening to summarise your day and unwind. I find a few minutes when I get into bed works best for me.
Write freely
Allow yourself to write without judgment or concern for grammar and style. Embrace the freedom to express your thoughts, feelings and experiences honestly. Don’t censor yourself – no one is going to read it.
What are you grateful for today?
If you get stuck, it can help to prompt yourself by asking this question. A positive outlook like this can make it less of a whinge fest too!
Revisit and reflect
Either weekly, monthly or annually, re-read your journal to track your progress, spot patterns and make sure you don’t forget any learnings or realisations.
Join me in making this month Journal June and see how this essential wellness practice works for you.
More:
Wise Ways with Words: The Vedic approach to mastering the power of speech
Coming from England, I’ve always liked to be playful with words and language. Brits revel in banter, joshing, creating puns and generally displaying our lexical dexterity.
But there’s a certain aspect of British humour I had to reassess the more I learned about Vedic knowledge.
In the Vedic tradition, the power of speech is treated more reverently than in English.
Sound and vibration are seen as fundamental building blocks of creation.
Through speech we have the power to create, maintain and destroy things. Speech – and language in all its forms – can build bridges; it can break hearts; it can mask the truth; it can sow division.
And through it, we will show those around – and the universe at large – whether we can be trusted.
If we want our speech to carry real power – to be able to manifest things and make things happen – then it will pay us to use speech wisely.
We can be more mindful of being flippant or saying things we don't mean.
In the Vedic philosophy, there are no prohibitions or “rules”, only observations on what wiser people tend to do.
Speech has the power to manifest
The purpose of language is to “commune”, to have shared experience , to inspire and uplift.
As increasingly wise people, we want to recognise and favour the creative and maintaining aspects of language over the destructive.
And we want to be careful not to say things that go against our best interests.
What signal does it give off if you want more money, for example, but announce "great" or "that's just what I need" when you get an expensive parking fine?
What signal does it give to those around you if you sarcastically undercut everything that everyone says – as I did for decades.
What signal does it give when you say "oh, wonderful" when your team loses or it rains on your special day?
So for this month's theme, I invite you to be more wise in your use of words – to stop inadvertently signalling to others and the universe that your words aren't to be trusted.
Sarcasm: tearing of the flesh
The Greek meaning of sarcasm is "tearing of the flesh". When we use sarcasm, it's often to have a cheap dig at someone, as you might hear in a playground - "nice hair!", "well who's a genius!"
It is rightly known as "the lowest form of wit", but its main issue for our purposes is that it makes us un-reliable speakers.
If we get a flat tyre and say “oh great”, we’re using speech to say something we don’t mean – to get humour or light relief or just as a reflective habit.
We’ve attached a negative outcome to “great” and we're celebrating our own misfortune.
Sarcasm subverts meaning and can offend people if we use it carelessly.
Communication is how we commune with others, so we should speak only what we intend to commune-icate.
Sound moves into form and phenomenon
In the Vedic understanding of creation or manifestation, sound is the first thing that emerges out of the conscious field. Formlessness curves and makes a noise. Sound gives rise to form.
A Sanskrit phrase says: "Sound and form are infinitely correlated."
If this is true then what we say matters and we probably don't want to say the opposite of what we intend.
This importance of sound is why we use a sound vehicle, the mantra, to move us back towards this infinite field of consciousness within during meditation.
As we continue to progress as consistent daily meditators, we are unified more and more with the field of consciousness that underlies everything in the universe.
And when our consciousness is at one with the universe, the universe will take our speech seriously.
Alongside sarcasm, there are some other aspects of language to look out for.
Be more precise with your language
I often use hyperbole for comic value, but when we use imprecise language, we are again making our speech unreliable.
If we constantly "hate" vanilla ice cream or reality TV, what words are left to describe things that genuinely justify our hatred?
If we "love" coconut water or the French accent, where does that leave us for words for our loved ones?
If we swear every second word, what power of emphasis is left?
And what do those listening to us hear?
Constantly swearing, like hyperbole or peppering our speech with filler words like "sort of", "kind of" or "like" devalues what we say. It conveys to other people that we don’t know what we're talking about.
Equivocating phrases
When we say "kind of", "sort of", "you know" or "just" – as most of us do (including me) countless times a day, we're devaluing our speech, we're watering it down so as not to seem too forthright or sure of ourselves.
Using these words doesn't make us seem more approachable, it makes us seem less confident of what we're saying. Instead, try saying what you want to say concisely and then asking people what they think.
What to do about it?
There are no prohibitions in the Vedic tradition, only recognition of certain natural laws that we can either work with or against.
Rather than making this something else to beat ourselves up over, try observing it and correcting yourself in a lighthearted and playful way.
Each time we bring awareness to something in ourselves we would like to change, we’re getting closer to actually changing it. We’re highlighting things for deletion.
Over time we will make ourselves more powerful and intentional speakers and our listeners will thank us for it.
Rory
More:
Pranayama for Vedic Meditators – what is it and how to do it
Pranayama is a Sanskrit word that refers to the practice of controlled breathing techniques in yoga.
It regulates the flow of prana or life force energy in the body and is an additional step we can add on before meditating.
Why would we do this? Because it takes some of the stress-releasing responsibilities off the meditation itself, which means you go can deeper quicker.
So rather than spending half the meditation in shallow thoughts, it might only be a couple of minutes.
If you’ve come across the huge rise in breathwork practices over the last few years, this is a way to get some of the benefits of moving energy around the body via the breath, which will help the un-stressing process.
It’s best practised for for three minutes straight before meditation so would extend the 20 minutes by three minutes – not forgetting two minutes of sitting in silence at the end!
You could add it to every meditation if you wanted or only do it when you have more time and somewhere appropriate to do it. You might not feel comfortable doing it on the bus – although I know people who have!
What's a dosha – and what’s mine?
This month, our theme is Daily rituals for health and longevity and last week I shared a blog post highlighting some suggested routines to add to your day from Ayurveda.
Ayurveda is related to Vedic Meditation and the traditional Indian system of medicine that’s been around for thousands of years.
Some of it can seem a bit out there, but there’s a decent amount that makes sense and may give you permission to go against received Western wisdom about diet.
For example, as a Vata, I now no longer feel guilty about avoiding leafy greens! Result.
Ayurveda is preventative in nature and focuses on balance and harmony between the mind and body – mostly through diet choices.
Central to Ayurveda are the three doshas or energies, which govern all physical and mental processes.
The three doshas are Vata, Pitta and Kapha. We’re each born with a different blend of these elements which then fluctuate each day based on what we eat and what’s going on in our lives.
By identifying your dominant dosha, you can tailor your diet and lifestyle to help maintain balance.
The best way to get started is to do a free online test, such as this one from Deepak Chopra.
The three doshas
Vata is responsible for movement and stimulation. Pitta is responsible for digestion and metabolism and Kapha is responsible for stability and structure. All three doshas must be in balance for optimal health.
Vata is made up of the qualities of air and space. People with mainly vata dosha tend to be of slimmer build, creative, intuitive and lively. They may experience physical symptoms such as dry skin, constipation and fatigue.
To maintain balance and health, vata types should prioritise rest, stick to routine and practice stress-reducing activities.
Pitta is made up of fire and water. People with pitta dosha predominant often have strong digestive fire and are analytical. They are also driven, ambitious and competitive. Physical symptoms associated with imbalanced pitta can include rashes, heartburn, and inflammation. To maintain balance, pitta types should watch their temper and focus on foods that cool the body.
Kapha is made up of water and earth. People with mainly kapha dosha tend to be calm, content, and loyal. They are slow to anger, but can gain weight easily. Physical symptoms of an imbalanced kapha include congestion, increased mucus and weight gain. To maintain balance, kapha types should stay hydrated, stay active and focus on eating lighter and warmer meals.
Best foods for Vata
Vata types should focus on warm, grounding foods that help balance their delicate digestive system.
Whole grains, stews, soups and steamed vegetables can provide sweetness, nourishment and grounding when consumed in moderation. Spices such as ginger, cinnamon, cumin and coriander can also help balance vata. Dairy, such as yogurt, cheese and ghee can help build a strong immune system. Fruits such as avocados, apples, pears and cherries are also vata-balancing.
Best foods for Pitta
Pitta types should focus on cooling, sweet, and bitter foods to help balance their strong digestive fire. Grains such as quinoa, oats and rice can help to reduce excess heat. Leafy greens, such as spinach, kale, and swiss chard, as well as root vegetables like carrots and beets can help to keep pitta in balance. Sweet foods, such as honey and coconut can also be helpful for pitta types. Dairy products such as ghee and almond milk can be beneficial as well. Apples, pears, and melons can help to cool the body. Herbs and spices like mint, cardamom and fennel can also help reduce excess pitta.
Best foods for Kapha
Kapha types should focus on lighter, warmer and spicier foods to help reduce excess kapha. Grains such as barley, buckwheat and millet are good choices as they are easy to digest and light on the system. Leafy greens, such as spinach, kale, and arugula, as well as vegetables such as onions and mushrooms are good choices. Legumes and lentils are also beneficial for kapha types as they contain protein, fiber and essential minerals. Fruits such as apples, pears and strawberries can help to reduce excess kapha. Spices such as ginger, cumin, turmeric and black pepper can also help balance kapha.
Foods to avoid in Ayurveda
To maintain balance, it is important to avoid foods that can aggravate the doshas. Vata types should avoid cold and raw foods, caffeine, alcohol and processed foods as they can increase vata. Pitta types should avoid spicy, sour, acidic and fried foods as they can increase heat. Kapha types should avoid heavy, sweet, salty and rich foods as they can increase congestion and impede digestion. All types should avoid refined sugar, processed foods and anything with preservatives as these can cause digestive issues and lead to imbalances.
This is only a brief intro – you can read Deepak Chopra’s Perfect Health for more info or find an Ayurvedic doctor or practitioner near you.
Rory
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Ayurvedic daily rituals for health and longevity
Vedic Meditation comes from a tradition dating back centuries in India, but it’s not the only knowledge passed down from that time.
There is also the related discipline of Ayurveda, which translates as “science of living”. Ayurveda looks to align the practitioner with laws of nature, mostly through daily routines and diet.
Below are some common Ayurvedic practice that you can easily fit into your day to help improve your health and maybe let you live a little longer.
Get up when the sun gets up
Wondering what the best time to get up is? No, not the very last minute before you have to so as not to be late for work. The best time is to follow the lead of the most powerful and life-supporting entity in the solar system: the sun. Rising with the sun – or before it – is a very Vedic thing to do. It also aligns with modern scientific understanding of circadian rhythms.
Tongue scraping
This definitely seemed like one of the more bizarre Vedic rituals when I first heard about it, but now I can’t do without it.
Ayurveda talks about a substance called “ama”, which is a toxic by-product of undigested food. This substance collects on the tongue overnight as white residue. Rather than re-absorbing these toxins into the body, we can instead scrape them off in a matter of seconds each morning before brushing our teeth. It looks like a bit of a medieval torture instrument but it’s surprisingly satisfying. You can do it before bed too. It's best to pick a copper tongue scraper and get a few as they get a bit gross after 3-6 months.
Lemon/lime water
Drinking warm or hot water with either lemon or lime is a great way to wake up and cleanse the digestive system before the day. Make sure to swill your mouth out with water afterwards so the citric acids don't damage your teeth. Also, it’s best to do it after rather than before brushing your teeth.
Sun salute
Surya Namaskar is the Sanskrit name for the sun salutation, where we greet the sun. You would lively have done a version of it in a regular yoga class. The sun is the most powerful, life-giving object in our part of the universe and a good Vedic ritual is to pay our respects to it, facing its direction and giving ourselves an enlivening stretch at the same time. The "quick" version takes only about one minute and includes reaching up, folding forward, a lunge, downward dog, upward dog and back up. If you have more time you can repeat it as many times as you like, switching sides for the lunge and ending each round with hands together saying "Jai Surya!”, “Glory to the sun!”
Morning meditation
Vedic Meditation is the cornerstone of our routine and we do it sitting comfortably, lower back supported, head and neck free for 20 minutes. The art is to see how nonchalant you can be while your mind drifts and you only remember to think the mantra occasionally. If you haven't yet learned to meditate with a mantra, check out my Sydney/Canberra courses or my online Not-Quite Vedic Meditation course.
Abhyanga
A key part of most Ayurvedic daily routines is to apply warm oils like sesame oil to your body – particularly the head and feet but all over if you have time.
To be honest, this is the only item on the list I don't do – I find it too messy! But many people like Ayurvedic expert Dylan Smith of Vital Veda swear by it. It is said to ground and balance you – and if you can get past the messiness it can be very soothing. You can also get oil treatments at Ayurvedic clinics if you want someone else to do it. My favourite is called Shirodhara, where warm oil is drizzled onto your forehead.
Eat for your body type
Ayurveda recognises three ”doshas” or mind/body types that benefit from different types of foods. I will do a separate post on this but the types, very briefly, are:
Vata: slim build, tendency for erratic energy, air-y qualities, benefits from warming foods like stews and soups
Pitta: medium build, more fiery temperament, strong energy and digestion, benefits from cooling foods like salads
Kapha: thicker build, slower energy but great endurance and loyalty, benefits from spicy or enlivening food.
The doshas go in and out of balance and we can use food to move towards balance. Find out your type here: https://chopra.com/dosha-quiz#quiz
I generally follow the advice for my dominant type – Vata/Pitta but don't go overboard. I do follow general advice on certain foods or combinations to avoid though.
Ayurvedic no no's
There are some food combinations that are considered bad for all types – here's a Top 3.
Iced drinks
Iced drinks are said cool and diminish digestive powers. A strong digestion is a key element of health according to Ayurveda.
Banana and milk
Bananas and milk, although a common combination for smoothies are said to be a bad combo – banana is sour and milk is sweet and they combine to diminish digestive power.
When I learned about this I was having a frozen banana smoothie for breakfast every morning! Double whammy!
Heated honey
This is a tough one for all you honey-soaked Chai lovers out there but honey is said to become toxic if heated. A safe level is apparently 40 degrees centigrade or below (104F), so best to avoid as a sweetener for hot drinks.
Afternoon/evening med
We meditate twice a day to get the full benefit and by mid-afternoon, you will have earned a rest. This meditation can be done anytime from about 2.30pm until dinner time. It will give you a second wind so ideally do it when you will benefit most from it. It is an enlivening practice so best not to do it within two hours of bed. Also, wait about an hour after eating to finish digesting if you have to do it after a meal.
Bed by 10pm
If we got up to greet the sun we will likely be tired by this point – or earlier. It's best to be in bed by 10pm and heading to sleep soon after. If you stay up later you move into another more-wakeful circadian cycle that has more Vatta energy which will make it harder to fall asleep between 11pm and 1am.
It's good sleep hygiene to avoid blue light from phones and laptops before bed. I charge my phone in another room so I can’t look at it first thing morning or last thing at night, which really helps. I also time my meditation with my Apple Watch (there’s an Insight Timer app!) so as not to look at my phone before meditating.
Do you follow any of these? What daily rituals work for you? Share in the comments section below.
A great introduction to Ayurveda is Deepak Chopra’s book Perfect Health (not available for Kindle).
Take every situation as if you planned it that way
About nine years ago I was applying for a job I really wanted when everything fell apart the day before the interview.
It was a couple of months after I started meditating and was the first real test of my newfound resourcefulness.
I’d just read The Power of Now and had adapted something from it into the following motto.
Take every situation as if you planned it that way.
Raining at a music festival? Time to dance in the mud. Flight delayed? Extra time for reading. These were all opportunities to surrender my preferences and see what the world was offering me instead.
I’d been a journalist for the previous ten years and was ready for a change. There was a big shake up at work and a product lead role came up.
I didn’t have any direct experience but had been wanted to change to product for a while and decided to go for it even though it was a long shot. My mentor at the time suggested going on the offensive.
Instead of a regular interview where my lack of experience would be overwhelming, I’d present my strategy for year one in the job.
The day before the interview, I overheard they were giving the job to someone else – a much more qualified candidate from another part of the business.
The old me would have thrown in the towel at this point. I’d have been too busy cursing my luck to think about changing my plan.
Instead, I stayed calm and looked for the silver lining.
If I’d planned for the job to go to this person instead of me, it would have been so I could apprentice under them instead of having to bluff my way through a job I wasn’t ready for.
Rather than a disaster, this could work out much better. All I had to do was convince them there was too much work for just one person.
A few tweaks to the presentation was all it took. At the end of the interview, I said I realised what was likely going to happen, but that with the other person’s product knowledge and my ideas and enthusiasm we could make a dream team.
By lunchtime the next day, there was a brand new role and they offered it to me.
Water the Roses: How to Nurture More of What You Want
Following our January theme – Tapasya: The Vedic Art of Delayed Gratification – our Vedic theme for this month is: Water the Roses: How to Nurture More of What You Want.
There’s a story that gets told in Vedic circles about the importance of watering the flowers and not the weeds.
A man is in his garden, hosing his prized roses on a warm summer’s day.
He’s enjoying the sight of the flourishing roses when he notices a clump of weeds over in a corner.
Annoyed that they’re spoiling his garden, he walks over to inspect them, taking his hose with him. He stands there complaining, all the while watering them with the hose.
He’s back with his hose a few days later only to see the weeds have grown further.
Again, he bemoans the weeds – all the while watering them unintentionally.
This goes on for some time until he realises the whole garden has overgrown with weeds and his roses have wilted away.
The water in this analogy is our attention – the more we focus on the negative, the more of it we get.
If instead, we pour the water of our attention on the things we love, we will get more of them.
For the month of February, see if you can spend more time thinking about things you want more of.
How? Avoid dwelling on the negative, especially things that are out of your control. And regularly remind yourself of what your like about your life.
Something I’ve dabbled with in the past and will try again in February is a gratitude journal.
The simplest approach is to write down (somewhere, anywhere!) three things you are grateful for – either morning, evening or both.
You can ask yourself a question like: What three things am I grateful for today? And why?
Or if it’s at the end of the day: What was my favourite moment today?
You needn’t write a novel, just a few sentences is enough.
As well as being ancient yogi-approved, studies have also found that feeling and expressing gratitude has a positive effect on the brain because it encourages us to focus on the good things in life. Gratitude can also promote a sense of contentment and fulfilment.
It reminds us of what’s good helps nurture more of the same.
Happy gardening.
Rory
Tapasya: Offering our preferences into the sacrificial fire
Rory Kinsella taking part in a yagya ceremony in Rishikesh in Northern India in 2016
In our Vedic theme of the month we have been exploring Tapasya: The Vedic Art of Delayed Gratification, where we surrender certain preferences in order to gain greater goals or desires.
We give up or go without things we enjoy in order foster discipline and increase our deserving power.
Meditation is the ultimate form of Tapasya where we surrender our preference to be engaged in activity when we are awake. What is our goal? It’s to be less stressed, have more energy and ultimately gain higher states of consciousness.
Outside of meditation, my specific Tapasya for January is to get up at dawn, surrendering my preference to lie in bed till 7am. I was doing quite well earlier in the month, but fell off my mountain bike at the weekend and have been prioritising rest to recover instead.
Rather than writing the whole thing off, I will instead start again when I feel better.
Click through the read more, including what I’m doing at a ceremony in India in the pic below.
If meditation helps us increase our wisdom credits and cope with more in our day, then practising Tapasya helps us increase our worthiness credits. When we’re able to do it, it will credit our account, but if we miss a day or two it doesn’t cancel out everything we have done so far.
The more we credit our worthiness account through showing the discipline to go without things we enjoy, the more worthy we will be of attaining our goals and desires.
As well as forming a key part of our meditation practice, the idea of surrendering preferences or making sacrifices can be seen in Vedic ceremonies called yagyas.
If you go to India, you may see a ritual or ceremony known as a yagya. In the pic above, I’m attending one in Rishikesh in Northern India in 2016 as part of my meditation teacher training graduation.
A yagya is a sacrificial offering of things like ghee, rice and flowers into a ceremonial fire, with mantras invoking Vedic aspects of consciousness, with the intention of attaining material or spiritual benefits.
Ghee – clarified butter – has historically been highly valued in India as it takes a lot of effort and resources to make. By offering it up to the flames where it burns dramatically, we are making a sacrifice that is intended to signal to the universe the strength of our intentions, the sincerity of our desires or goals.
By dragging myself out of bed at dawn, I am offering my delicious lie-in up for sacrifice in service of my greater goal.
While I’m happy to sense-check anyone’s goals or preferences to surrender, we generally keep our goals to ourselves.
As I practise Tapasya, I’m also cultivating a sense of discipline that will help me work more diligently towards all of my goals. And by getting up earlier, I will also have more time to work towards them!
What are you prepared to give up for your goals?
How to practise Tapasya: The Vedic Art of Delayed Gratification
With Vedic Meditation, we sit for 20 minutes morning and evening to increase our adaptation energy which helps us cope more successfully with what life throws at us each day.
Once we’re up and running with a daily practice, we can start exploring more advanced spiritual techniques and practices.
With Tapasya (pronounced Tapas), we are seeking to increase our worthiness – or our deserving power as it is called in the Vedic terminology – to achieve specific goals and desires.
Tapasya means “heat” and can be thought of as an internal spiritual fire which we can stoke outside of meditation by practising discipline in various areas of our lives.
In the Vedic understanding, our external world and conditions are a direct reflection of our inner work.
If we feel love and abundance on the inside, that is what the world will reflect back to us.
If we cultivate effortlessness and frictionlessness with meditation, that is what we will get more of outside meditation.
RELATED: Tapasya: Offering our preferences into the sacrificial fire
With Tapasya, we give up things we like doing in order to attain things of greater value – a kind of ancient spiritual approach to delayed gratification.
The famous (and disputed) experiment into delayed gratification is the Stanford marshmallow experiment. It was a psychological study conducted in the late 1960s and early 1970s with the aim of understanding the role of self-control in children's development.
Researchers presented young children with a single marshmallow and told them that they could either eat the marshmallow right away or wait for a short period of time, during which the researcher would leave the room, and then receive an additional marshmallow as a reward for their patience.
The researchers found that the children who were able to wait longer for the second marshmallow ended up achieving better life outcomes, such as higher SAT scores and lower rates of substance abuse, compared to those who were not able to wait as long.
RELATED: How to use meditation to stop drinking
To cultivate self discipline for ourselves, we could for example refrain from eating sugar in order to feel more healthy or achieve a certain weight goal.
Or we could get up at dawn each day with the goal of getting promoted at work.
In the Vedic terminology, we refer to this as “surrendering preferences”.
Each time we do the practice, it is like a personal sacrifice we make to our greater cause. It helps prove to both the universe and to ourselves that we are worthy of the goal we seek. It helps cultivate the conscious state that is worthy of the greater abundance or responsibilities we desire.
How to practice tapasya
Pick a goal or desire you would like to be fulfilled
The goal must benefit both you and others. It can’t be either too selfish or selfless and mustn’t bring harm to you or anyone else.
For example, reaching a target weight would be good for your health and good for others who rely on you being health (family, employers etc)
Winning the lottery would only be good for others if you included helping others in it – eg, win $100k on the lottery to help fund a school in India etc
Visualise a signal moment
Once you have your goal, pick a signal moment – visualise something that would show you that you have attained your goal.
For example for a weight goal, you could picture the sight of your feet standing on the scales showing your target weight and the accompanying feeling of satisfaction/energy/achievement.
Pick a preference to be surrendered
You preferred thing to give up can be related to your goal, but doesn’t need to be.
For example, you could abstain from sugar if you had a weight goal. But you could also get up at dawn each day or take cold showers. We are stoking our internal spiritual fires with discipline to generate the state of consciousness worthy or deserving of your goal.
Each time you surrender the preference, mentally ascribe it to the goal.
So if you get out of bed at dawn, when you’d much prefer to lie in, bring your signal moment to mind to mentally notch this up to your goal.
A condition of this is that we surrender things “willingly”, eg when we drag ourselves out of bed at the crack of dawn, we shouldn’t be complaining about it!
Let go
Once we’ve performed our tapasya, we surrender all attachment to the outcome. We don’t hold on to the goal and crave it, but instead let it go and continue on with our day. We specifically let go of attachment to the timing or method of the fulfilment.
If you plant a seed and dig it up every few minutes to check on it, it will struggle to grow.
Rory Kinsella meditating at dawn in North Bondi (when he’d rather be in bed!)
Similarities to other traditions
Tapasya is a Vedic concept that involves self-discipline and spiritual purification through physical and mental practices such as meditation, fasting or abstinance. It is often seen as a way to gain spiritual strength and purify the mind and body.
Similarly, in Islam, Ramadan is a period of fasting, prayer and reflection. Muslims abstain from food, drink and other pleasures from sunrise to sunset. The purpose of Ramadan is to focus on spiritual discipline and devotion to God and to demonstrate solidarity with those who are less fortunate.
In Christianity, Lent is a period of fasting, repentance and spiritual discipline observed in the 40 days leading up to Easter. During Lent, believers are encouraged to fast, pray and give alms in order to draw closer to God and prepare for the celebration of Jesus’s resurrection at Easter. Like Ramadan and tapasya, Lent is a time for self-denial and spiritual reflection.
Origins
Tapasya is an ancient practice that features in many of the classic Vedic texts, such as the Mahabharata, which includes the Bhagavad Gita, one of the most sacred Indian texts.
In the epic tale of a war between rival sets of cousins representing good and evil, there are many examples of people practising Tapasya.
In a famous example, Arjuna, the mightiest warrior of the good side, sets a goal of receiving divine weapons – devastras – from the god Shiva.
According to the story, Arjuna wanted to become the greatest warrior in the world, so he retreated to a forest to perform tapasya. This involved fasting, meditating and praying for a long period of time, with the goal of achieving spiritual enlightenment and divine favour. Eventually, Shiva appeared before Arjuna and granted him the boon he had requested, making him the most skilled warrior in the world.
His goal was to become the greatest warrior on earth, help defeat his evil cousins, protect his family and rid the world of evil – so his goal was good for both himself and others.
To increase his deserving power and show the universe (and its presiding gods) the strength of his intentions, he ramped up his practice until the gods couldn’t ignore him.
The text says: “Arjuna did a tremendous penance by standing only on one leg and concentrating his gaze upon the blazing sun. Arjuna's penance generated so much of heat that all the living creature of the three worlds were unable to bear its scorching heat. All the living creatures of the three worlds went to to the gods to to seek help. The deities became very impressed by Arjuna's penance. They went to lord Shiva and requested him to bless Arjuna.”
We don’t need to stare at the blazing sun and we probably shouldn’t be desiring weapons, divine or not, but we can employ this practice to cultivate discipline and generate deserving power in service of bringing our goals and desires to fruition.
The added benefit is that the things we pick to surrender will likely be things that are bad for us anyway.
For 2023, mine will be to surrender my preference to sleep in by getting out of bed at dawn to practice yoga and to forgo much of my social use. What will yours be? I will keep my goal to myself, as should you, so as not to dilute it.
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Want to know more? Get in touch.
Rory Kinsella is a writer and Vedic Meditation teacher based in Sydney, Australia. A former hard-drinking musician and journalist, he quit alcohol in 2017 and has written widely about his experiences, including in the Sydney Morning Herald.
He is the creator of the Wise Monkey Way online program to help people use meditation to stop drinking, has contributed meditations to apps such as Insight Timer and Meditation Studio and has taught meditation at some of Australia’s biggest companies.
He teaches an effortless style of meditation using a mantra that allows the mind to move beyond thoughts to a place of stillness within.
Vedic Meditation: How to expand your mind through meditation
When we’re stressed and don’t have a consistent meditation practice, it’s like we’re floating on the surface of the conscious ocean.
We only have access to top line information – only what we need to survive.
Stress restricts what our conscious filter lets in so we won’t get overwhelmed.
But as we meditate and move towards stillness inside – towards the Being state – we expand our consciousness and can handle more information.
By slowing down and de-exciting our nervous systems, we allow our minds and bodies to regain their full potential.
In Maharishi’s words, the whole ocean of mind becomes capable of being conscious.
Why stick to the rivers and the lakes that you’re used to when there is a whole ocean of consciousness available!
All you have to do is close your eyes and take a dive 💦
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Remember, safety third! How meditation allows you to take more risks
This time seven years ago I was at Burning Man and got a flavour of what it was all about when the official greeters welcomed us with: Remember, safety third!
It was so surprising and refreshing to hear, especially compared with the fun-police attitude at festivals in Australia.
Reddit tells me order of importance at BM is: Idea, Execution, Safety.
Too often we stay in our comfort zones and refrain from doing things. Avoid risk is one of the excuses we hide behind.
Safety doesn’t only encompass physically safety, but also avoiding embarrassment or or failure.
But when we put safety in its proper place (note it’s still in the top three, just not stifling and vetoing everything else) we’re able to explore things we otherwise wouldn’t have.
Like wearing a ringmaster’s jacket with no shirt underneath and a plastic decoy dove as a button hole 🐦 😂
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Circle of concern vs circle of influence
One of the things I’ve been talking to my students about recently is the difference between our circle of concern and our circle of influence.
This is one of the many great concepts from Stephen R. Covey’s Seven Habits of Highly Effective People and details how we can stay proactive and effect positive change.
The Circle of Concern includes a wide range of concerns we might have, such as the state of the economy, racial inequality, COVID deaths, problems at work, the health of our family.
The Circle of Influence includes only those things that we can do something about, some of which may overlap with our circle of concern and some not.
While many things in our circle of concern may make us angry or upset, we’re able to be more effective agents of change if we focus our attention on our circle of influence.
Consuming less news is a good way to reduce the amount of your attention you place away from your circle of influence.
Covey says that proactive people focus on issues within their circle of influence. They work on things they can do something about and in this way they expand their circle of influence.
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There is nothing good or bad, but thinking makes it so
I loved Hamlet when I studied it at school (and uni) – it’s got everything that teenagers love.
Injustice, rebelling against parents/the system, the adolescent psychodrama, murder!
This quote comes when his two university friends, Rosencrantz and Guildenstern, come to visit.
He asks what they’ve done to deserve being sent to see him in the prison of Denmark and they say they don’t see it as a prison.
Hamlet then makes the famous remark above, highlighting what wholly subjective creatures we are.
As in the well worn phrase, one person’s heaven is another’s hell.
We can’t change the events of our personal stories, but we can change the narrative themes or the morals of the stories.
We can apply whatever meaning we want to events.
Rather than something being a disaster or an embarrassment, we can see it as a stepping stone to greater knowledge or understanding.
If we refrain from making negative judgments about our daily life events, we can liberate ourselves from much unnecessary suffering.
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How meditation helps you overcome negativity
“I felt the suffocating rubber clown suit of negativity dissolving, and it was such a feeling of bright freedom” David Lynch
When I was first researching meditation I was really struck by this quote.
David Lynch is such a character and I loved his metaphor of the suffocating rubber clown suit of negativity.
I could picture him walking round like a fool in his clown suit, getting all hot and bothered, and then it all just falling away with meditation.
Diminishing negativity is definitely one of the main benefits of meditation I’ve noticed.
It’s not that I suddenly put on rose tinted glasses about everything.
But I was much more likely to give people the benefit of the doubt and let things wash over me rather than taking them personally.
And the process was a natural and effortless dissolution.
It didn’t take lots of busy or messy unpicking of negative thinking – there was just less of it each day.
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Mistakes aren’t a necessary evil. They aren’t evil at all.
Mistakes aren’t a necessary evil. They aren’t evil at all. They are an inevitable consequence of doing something new Ed Catmull (Pixar co-founder)
My girlfriend Suzie and I have been watching quite a few Pixar movies recently and one of the reasons they’re so good is the fearless creative culture the company promotes.
I read co-founder Ed Catmull’s book ‘Creativity, Inc’ a few years ago where he talks about how they foster that culture.
He explains how ideas are challenged and tested to their limits and nothing is out of bounds in terms of feedback, with egos put to the side for the sake of the end product.
But he also says that new ideas are protected, acknowledging that all ideas go through a phase of “not-greatness” before they reach greatness.
He advises not trying to avoid mistakes and failure, but instead to fail fast.
Failure will happen if you’re trying to do new things, you can’t avoid it but you can control how you respond – seeing set backs as feedback on what direction to take next rather than as a personal affront.
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How meditation helps you see other people's perspectives
Everyone thinks of changing the world, but no one thinks of changing himself - Leo Tolstoy
I was really struck by this quote I saw from Tolstoy this week.
It fits in well with what I’ve been saying recently about “circle of influence” versus “circle of concern”.
I’m happier when I focus my attention on what’s in my own power (my actions, words, behaviours) rather than on events that are beyond my control.
That doesn’t mean I don’t pay attention to what’s going on in the world.
But that world events are seen with perspective and I’m not worried about changing anything that is far beyond my circle of influence.
I’m more concerned about working on my own state of consciousness and my own contribution.
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Meditation and positivity: What seems to us as bitter trials are often blessings in disguise
What seems to us as bitter trials are often blessings in disguise. – Oscar Wilde (Oct 9 2020)
I talk about this idea of looking for silver linings a lot when I teach, but love this poetic expression of it.
It’s worth reminding ourselves of this whenever we’re feeling overwhelmed or defeated by events.
In the bigger picture, we’re all evolving to higher expressions of ourselves and that evolutionary process is accelerated by huge and disorientating change.
But take comfort in the fact that there is method in the madness – you may not see until after the fact, but it’s there nonetheless.
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Meditation for limiting beliefs: Colour blindness
I’m going to talk about a limiting belief I discovered and overcame six or seven years ago.
I mentioned my journalism career recently but this came when I had another career change from journalism to being a product manager and was struggling with some aspects of the job.
As a journalist I’d worked with words and ideas and had become very comfortable in that arena, but as a product manager I had to expand my expertise to cover other areas.
Product managers in web development work with web designers and web developers to develop websites and one aspect of the job I was struggling with was giving feedback on designs.
With my boss and one or two stakeholders we could gather behind a designer’s computer and you know stroke our chins thoughtfully and offer feedback designs for web pages.
This is something I really struggled with because I had a limiting belief that I wasn’t qualified to talk about visual design because I’m colour blind.
This belief had embedded itself in me from an early age.
When I was 14 I was given the standard colour blindness test where they show you a multicoloured picture of dots with numbers written in a certain colour. If you can’t read some of the numbers, you’re colour blind.
This doesn’t mean I only see in black and white, like many people think, but that I struggle to distinguish certain colours on the red-green spectrum. 1 in 12 men are colour blind but only 1 in 200 women, which is interesting.
This didn’t seem too big a deal at the time – I was more into music than art – but the nurse did say I would never be a pilot or an astronaut.
But the belief I was no good at visual art and design had been embedded even early than that. At primary school once we were preparing for a school play and I was working on the set design. I’d been colouring in some kind of backdrop when the teacher came over all flustered and pulled me away from the backdrop. She told me off for using the wrong colour and said I wasn’t good at it and should work on something else.
So 30 odd years later, I’m standing at work afraid to give design feedback because I held a belief that my colour blindness made me unqualified to talk about all aspects of design.
But then I went on a personal development course around that time where we covered limiting beliefs.
I realised that I’d let this one aspect not being able to perceive subtle differences on the red-green spectrum cloud the whole area of visual design.
So with this knowledge I went back into the design reviews with a much more accurate understanding of my capabilities. Shades of colour play very little part in most web designs – rarely outside the main branding. There were so many other areas I could comfortably and confidently talk about. The layout, the fonts, the size and shape of things, the imagery, the padding, the general functionality and user experience.
It was so freeing not to have this one small limitation affect this whole reasonably big area in my new job.
Then I was giving so much design feedback the designers probably preferred the old me that stayed quiet.
There’s a famous quote from Henry Ford that says: “Whether you think you can, or you think you can't – you're right.”
And that’s the crux of limiting beliefs - you have a belief that limits your ability or willingness to play in a certain area. But what you find when you examine them more closely, is that they’re often based on nothing more substantial than fear or fear – of failure. And if they are based in fact, like my colour blindness, the impact is often a lot less than you think.
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Meditation and happiness: Happiness for a reason is just another form of misery
“Happiness for a reason is just another form of misery because the reason can be taken away from us at any time.” Deepak Chopra
I love how Deepak hits us with a counterintuitive truth in this quote.
How could happiness of any kind be another form misery?
Because if our happiness is contingent on things going our way in the outside world, then we inviting future disappointment.
What’s the answer then?
To be happy for no particular reason.
To be happy because when we meditate we find a place of happiness and contentment inside, one that isn’t affected by changes in external conditions.
That’s the happiness to work towards.
And how do we get there? Meditation is a very good place to start.
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